YuGiOh! Reality TV
by Alaska Wolf
Summary: eh... Title pretty much sums it up. Oh and there will be chaos MUHAAHAA Minor yaoi, use of alcohol and Tea bashing all around (later on) R
1. Default Chapter

Monday week #1  
  
Things have been stressful for the Yu-Gi_Oh! Cast everyone has been at each others throats; Mai argues with the producers that she should have her own room, Joey and Tristen believe they should be allowed to have alcohol while Taya argues that alcohol is unsuitable for Yu-Gi...  
  
1:00 PM. Devlin seems to have become some kind of house keeper and keeps himself busy by cooking what he calls "Orange fluffy wolf stewed in French fries, fried in purple cheese mold and sautéed in mayowhip my lovelies" Most of the cast seem appalled but Yami Bakura licks his lips and is heard to mutter something about not having orange fluffily wolf or moldy cheese in a millennia...  
  
1:30 PM. Devlin is crushed that no one seemed to want to have any of his special lunch Yami Bakura comforts him by saying, "It's alright my gumdrop waffle I loved it and they're all missing out on your lovely cooking!" **sniff** "do you really mean that pookums?" "Of course I do gummy bear" Kaiba seems utterly terrified and backs out of the room "EEEWWWW" **shudder**  
  
2:00 PM. Yu-Gi is following Joey around hopping up and down madly speaking only when he jumps up "Duel...with...m-...-e Jo-...-ey **pants loudly before continuing** Pl-...-ea-...-se...!" "For the last time NO! You've been bugging me for the past hour!" (This goes on until 10:30 PM. When Yu-Gi tries his luck with Kaiba...  
  
10:30 PM. "SHUT UP YOU DEMENTED EXCUSE FOR A RETARDED MIDGET! COME BACK WHEN YOU REACH EYE LEVEL!" If Yu-Gi were a dog he would have had his tail between his legs as he scampers away with a high pitched yelp, and when he reches the bedroom locks himself in and begins sulking about his height...  
  
11:00 PM. Malik gives up in disgust as he tries to unlock the bedroom door "Come out now I need to sleep or I won't be beautiful any more!" Kaiba turns pail and mutters something that turns out to sound rather like "amItheonlystraightguyheregrumblegrumblebloodymidget'sproblysmellinguptheroo m Withhiscabbagepatchsmell..."  
  
11:30 PM. Sweet innocent snoring comes from the bedroom... the cast decide to sleep on the couches... 


	2. Day two: umm Seto?

Tuesday Week #1 10:30 AM. The cast wake from a stressful night involving uncomfortable couches, over crowding on said couches and some one talking in their sleep about not having a night light or stuffed animal that had been left in the locked room.  
  
11:00 AM. Joey is ranting about Yuugi probably sleeping with his stuffed Kureeboh and smelling it up with his cabbage hands...  
  
11:30 AM. "Hey Yuugi please come out. I d-didn't mean it really..." says a resentful Kaiba as he is forced by the cast to apologize to Yuugi (or as Kaiba would like to think, "the door") "Wow Kaiba you mean it..." Kaiba turns to the cast and gives them a pleading look. They glare at him and turning back to the door he sighs heavily and says, "...Yes..." "WEEEEEEEEEEEE!" the doorknob jiggles and 3 seconds later Yuugi comes flying out and gives Kaiba a big heartfelt hug. Kaiba starts crying and nearly falls to his knees (why, why WWWHHHYYY!!!!????!!!! Please PPLLEEAASSEE get it off pleeeheeeheeeaaasssee) Yuugi thinks these are tears of joy and hugs him harder...  
  
11:32 AM. **SNAP!** "owww..." (Kaiba goes limp in Yuugi's arms and Yuugi drops him) **sound of body hitting floor** "Oh no... Kaiba...!" Kaiba lays in a mangled heap on the floor apparently he is a lot weaker than he looks... Every one stares blankly at Kaiba with wide eyes until Tristen breaks the silence, "Wow! Yuugi, I think you killed him..." 11:48 AM. Yuugi faints  
  
1:00 PM. Yuugi wakes with a start, "Oh crap!!! I killed Kaiba!!!" Yuugi sits crying on the couch as Tea comforts him, "I j-just wanted t-to give him a hug! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-" "Oh great job Pharaoh!" Says Malik as he walks up... "If the producers ever find out you killed him we'll have to do some crazy thing to cover up for them... not to mention the budget cut..." Ryou over-hears them and his eyes widen "Well somebody (tries to glare at his yami but over balances and falls over. The rest of the cast here a deep chuckle from inside Ryou...) eergrrff **rubs back and stands** ...oww... um well back to what I was saying, Some of us should go get Kaiba while the rest of us dig a pit..." Yuugi looks puzzled "a pit why- OH GOD!" "What!?!" "You sicken me...!" Yuugi storms off to the bedroom but screeches as he sees Kaiba laying in the hallway...  
  
2:00 PM. Mokuhba is sitting on the couch he hasn't blinked or moved since Malik broke the news about his brother to him.  
  
2:00 PM. "YOU IDIOT!" screams Joey to Malik "NOW YOU'VE GONE AN' KILLED KAIBA'S BRUDDA TOO!" Joey tries to slap Malik in the face but suddenly Joey turns zombie like and misses Malik hitting himself in the chest instead... "Bullseye!" says Malik and blows pretend smoke from his "gun" hand...  
  
5:00 PM. The cast have been in complete chaos and are now finished with the pit. But they have one thing left to do, somebody has to get Kaiba...  
  
5:35 PM. Tristen groans as he hears his name being called, apparently the cast have decided to draw names from a hat to see who has to get Kaiba. Tristen gives the cast one last dismayed look which is wasted on them as they are all merrily chatting about not being chosen.  
  
6:00 PM. Tristen sighs heavily as he hauls Kaiba up on his shoulder. "Man I almost feel sorry for Kaiba, almost... Ahh who am I kidding this is awful even if it is Kaiba." Tristen reaches the living room and lays Kaiba out on the couch.  
  
7:00 PM. Now that it is dark, the cast can throw Kaiba in the pit. Yuugi is crying on the arm of the couch that Kaiba is on. "Hrrrrr **snork** hrrrr. H-he was j-just l-like the r-rest of us, h-he j-just wanted to b-be in a reality TV. Show **snork** hrr **snork** hrr, hrrr." (Note: this actually happened in episode #27 when Kaiba's soul is stolen and put into a Duel Monsters card. Yuugi starts crying and says something like "hrr **snork** he w-was just like us **snork** j-just wanted to save the ones he loved **snork snork** hrr'rrrr'err" **talking about Kaiba trying to save Mokuhba**)  
  
7:45 PM. Kaiba (who is still on the couch) begins to stir and mumble curse words and some thing about "stupidgaymidjets" Yuugi faints while the rest of the cast is overjoyed.  
  
8:00 PM. Kaiba seems fine now and Mokuhba is guarding him to make sure nobody tries to hug him again, and Pegasus goes off to sulk in the bedroom muttering something about not being able to use his lovely pit which he spent hours on.  
  
8:50 PM. The cast (excluding Kaiba) go off to bed after another stressful day but throw Pegasus out of the room because he won't shut up about his "Lovely pit which they had wasted on Seto" Tristen tells him that he'd gladly throw Pegasus into the pit if he thinks it is going to waste Pegasus comments that he isn't dead and Tristen replies that he could fix that.  
  
9:00 PM. The entire cast is peacefully snoring. 


	3. Ham'Burgers & confession cam: let the to...

. Oops! I forgot to disclaimer for the last two chapters so any way... umm I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! Or much of anything else beside my ferret, computer, TV and a lot of anime stuff...  
  
Wednesday Week #1  
  
5:00 AM. Devlin wakes to go make breakfast but is pulled down by Malik. "One word Devlin waffles! Don't even think of pulling your specialty routine or you'll find yourself in the shadow realm!" Devlin blinks back tears "y-you don't like m-my c-cooking-" Devlin backs out of the room at Malik's warning glare... "And no gumdropwaffles or whatever yami Bakura called you either!" He calls after him, then falls into a stupor apparently he has fallen asleep again.  
  
5:05 AM. Mokuhba is cursing at Devlin after Devlin trips over him. "CAN'T A GUY GET AND STINKING SLEEP AROUND HERE! YOU STUPID LITTLE DICE BOY GRRRRRRRR!" Kaiba wakes with a start "Who what I swear I didn't steal your friggan bunnies Legato! PLEASE DON'T KILLLL MMMEEEEEEEEE PLLLEEEAAASSSEEEE! **Starts crying** I swear I didn't take them really!" Mokuhba and Devlin stare at him blankly forgetting their previous argument. Kaiba turns a deep shade of red. "Errmm I... have to go now" Kaiba rushes out the front door only to find himself being dragged back in by two guards. Which brings him even more embarrassment, he dashes off to the basement and tries to lock himself in an old dresser...  
  
7:00 AM. The cast start stirring and rejoice at the sight of nice, plain, normal waffles, as they have not eaten since Sunday... Yuugi is being baby fed by Joey, Mai has eaten 7 of them and the rest of the cast busy themselves with loading gigantic globs of syrup on them. "Mmmfferrrgrumgaabruggerrhakkspa!" Says Bakura who seems to be gagging on syrup. Malik is in a great mood (probably from intoxication) and slaps Bakura on the back. "Heeeeyaaaa buuddy! Y'okaaayyeee!" "Heerrrgggggaaaahhhhh! **Pants** erm uhh thanks" Says Bakura a little uneasily. Joey is very annoyed with Yuugi and is beginning to shovel huge pieces down his throat. Mixes of "AAKKK GAAHH BITE TO BIG BITE TO BIG AKK" and "Shut up and swallow you stupid midget!" (And the occasional "DIE!" "HAKK errg...")  
  
10:00 AM. Mokuhba is violently shaking Yuugi because he has not woken up since the "Infamous Waffle Incident" as the intoxicated Malik calls it. Joey is being beat up by Tristen (for possibly killing Yuugi) and Mai for her own reasons...  
  
10:09 AM. Yuugi coughs weakly and opens his eyes halfway. Kaiba (who has been into Malik's stash of sake and is now in his own words "tipsy as a polecat with a kureeboh") grabs Yuugi's hand and with big puppy eyes says "oh Yuugi-kun please don't die waaahhaaa!" Yuugi stares at him awhile before saying "guess what." Kaiba leans in close as if he were trying to hear someone's last words, squeezes Yuugi's hand "what" Yu-Gi belches before saying "I don' lige wabblef, uuhhgg (rubs stomach) any more..." Kaiba starts balling and turns to Joey (who is now near the point of death after such brutall beatings) "YOU FEIND! Yuv ruined his taste for scruummy waffle-BBLLAAGGHH! (The alchohall has finally got to Kaiba and he hurls)  
  
11:30 AM. Joey has been forced to clean up Kaiba's mess, and the host of the show has announced that it is confession cam time.  
  
12:00 Malik- I think when we vote some one off I'm gonna pick Seto because not only has drunk all of my sake but he has been using my eye liner to make it look like he is wearing a belt which in fact he is not! Also Yuugi I just don't think it's safe for the guy here y'know he got stuck in the fridge today and Devlin would have cooked him if Pegasus hadn't heard the screaming... (Note Malik is well aware that sake and other forms of alcohol is not allowed and he will receive a budget cut of $3.99 for bringing banned items into the house)  
Bakura- I hate Tea! She has been acting so goody goody. When really she has stolen something from all of us and has some strange attraction to my socks and I am missing the left one from all of my pairs now and she has also been using Seto's tooth brush and I find this unexcitable!  
  
Seto- I'm going to sue! It was not in my contract to have a midget try to kill me off the show!-**SNAP!** ohh my back...  
  
Tristen- I want Devlin out, he just looks and acts too much like Koga... and also Pegasus, I just don't like him...  
  
Devlin- THOSE IDIOTS! They ate an entire 9-year supply of my cooking syrup and they still complained about not having enough! Oh dear it's lunchtime already! (Runs off to make lunch)  
  
Pegasus- (Pegasus is crying and says through tears) Nobody likes me! Even Yu-Gi, they all say I'm old or mean. I swear that I heard Serenity call me blindie. I just want a friend... preferably someone who has a Yami, but I'll take anyone! INCLUDING SETO! Tae- due to lack of good translators we could not understand her but it sounded kind of like duhblehalf adoggie duhduh duhduhduh duh duhduh duhduh duh! She will receive a budget cut of $8.95 + tax...  
  
Yu-Gi- I'd like to know what makes you think you can torture us like this!?! What in the name of rah did we do to you! Several of us have almost died! Oh and also I'm out of gel get more...now...  
  
Mokuhba- I want Seto out. (Shocked gasps from out side of confession cam room "But brother why!?!") **Mokuhba glares at door** I also think you should get soundproof walls for the confession cam room!  
  
Joey- I come from planet blue cheese ball, I'm here to judge you all... (NOTE: Joey was bored so he lied, pay no attention to him...")  
  
Mai- I need cosmetics. (Closes eyes, crosses arms and nods head.)  
1:30 PM. The cast seems pleased with Devlin's hamburgers. "WOW! What's your secret Dev!" says Yami Bakura as he stuffs five of them into his/Ryou's pockets. "I mean usually I go for the raw stuff... but these are awesome!" "Well..." says Devlin cheerily "They're all natural hamster meat..." Seto, Pegasus, and Malik faint. "Yami Bakura shrugs and takes the rest of the 'ham'burgers. While Yu-Gi begins to cry "oh no! Don't tell me that's where Mr. Fluffles went..." 3:00 PM. Yu-Gi has some how managed to pry Malik's rod from him and is now trying to stab Devlin with the pointy knife like end. Much to Yami Bakura's protest. "Don't kill my gumdrop waffle!" "HE ATE MY HAMSTER" Devlin looks up thoughtfully "well technically you did..." Yu-Gi looks furious and runs at Devlin with the rod "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" "STOP!" screeches Malik and snatches the rod from Yu-Gi "you idiot! Use the axe end it's much easier! Trust me I know..." hands it back to Yu-Gi and coolly turns to walk off but stops immediately after turning and whirls back around. "On second thought... GIVE ME THAT!" grabs rod and storms off in a huff.  
5:00 PM. Yami Bakura has become ill from eating too many 'ham'burgers and is now very annoyed with everyone that he can see...  
  
5:17 PM. "SHUT UP BAKURA!" Ryou shouts anoyedly to his yami. "All you've done all night is whine at me! Ryou get me some meat, Ryou shut up and get me a heat pad, Ryou make me some Egyptian cocoa... I mean by rah you're the one who ate  
  
Yuugi's entire hamster farm!" Yu-Gi starts crying his eyes out "P-poor MR. Fluffles! Wwwaaahhaaa!" runs off. "And what about you Ryou! You're always ruining my plans! Bakura give Pegasus his eye back! Bakura bring him back from the shadow realm right now, Bakura stop banging your head on the wall, it hurts me! Or have you forgot we're the same person! Bakura stop killing that guy! Bakura stop chugging my blood and give it back to me! Bakura give that nice old lady her wheelchair back! Bakura stop stabbing poor Seto with the sharp ends of your ring! Bakura put that firearm down...! I'm sick of you messing up my plans!" "Well... he seems to feel a little better..." says Yami. "W-wait! I-I'm s-still sick see **pokes himself in the stomach** "...oww..." "...I hate you Bakura...lazy bum..."  
  
9:00 PM. Bakura isn't every body's favorite person as they can't kick him out of the room for being homicidal...again... because they would be kicking Ryou out for nothing and at the moment he is telling funny stories and keeping Yu-Gi from crying about his hamsters. But Ryou decides he should leave because Bakura has decided that Joey is evil and should be destroyed... "You stupid dog! I just know that you're evil because really what kind of Japanese guy has a New York accent! EVIL GRRRRROWWWWLLLEEERRR-unf!?" Ryou has knocked himself out, which also knocks Bakura out... The cast decides this is a good thing and locks Bakura/Ryou in a closet and go to bed.  
  
Itachi: Well it sucked but I had fun hope you all did too Seto: Define all... Yuugi: Yeah cause if you mean us then I can tell you we aren't having fun! Itachi: not you! My precious readers! Seto: ReaderS Itachi: YOU'RE SOOO MEEEAAANNN!!!! WAHHHHHHH (cries) Seto: umm... what're you doing... don't cry! PLEASE STOP!!!? Itachi: **in mind** HAAHAAHAA! Now that he's close!** (hugs him) k... I'll stop crying Seto: CRAP! ...Oh well... (Hugs) Yuugi: **sigh** Please R & R! ... Seto You're being filmed...Seto? 


End file.
